I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
