A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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