I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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