I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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