she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
