we made out on top of his cat.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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