You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
