I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
