I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
