Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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