If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
