Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
