fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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