I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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