I skipped work to stalk him.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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