Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
