Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
