I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
