I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
