if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
