Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
