No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
