Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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