And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
