My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
