she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
