Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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