never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
