Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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