So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize