i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
