I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
