fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
