Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
