So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
