hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
