nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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