dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
