u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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