he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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