Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
