hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
