One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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