my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize