he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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