That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
