Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The power of my boobs compel you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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