sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
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