If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
