I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Success! We fucked roommates!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
