Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
