Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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