Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
