I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
