last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
