Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
