Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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