That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
