She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just had sex on a roof
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
