I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
