I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
