don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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