the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
