Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
