just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Your penis caused this!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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