Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So vagazzling was a success
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize