I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
