I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
