So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
