I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
