Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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