It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
