Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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