There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
